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  • jesca

oxymorons.


Sometimes I giggle when I am beeboppin through the frozen aisles at Sam's Club and read "Colossal Shrimp" when I'm staring at the overpriced seafood. Its so contradicting, yet we do need some way to describe these oversized crustaceans... Or like "Hell's Angels". I think I know one actually... I'm not positive... But this is one scary dude...Yet a great guy.. A protector...A bad-ass dude in a leather vest that carries a small furry pup that he pets and coo's to on a daily... That's my fave part... Sometimes I think I am sort of an oxymoron ... Kind of like the way I curl my hair in the mornings for 20 min....then on my way to work have my sunroof open & every window down imaginable....with my curly (now rats-nest) locks blowing in the wind.

Do I think Im fancy?! Yep. Am I high maintenance?! Mehh. I can take my own fish off the hook... Iffffff I have a paper towel handy & it's sort of small (Unless the hook is in its eyeball or something) If you walk into my new ladynest... Is it girly?! Ummm its a ladynest folks. Decorated in mermaids, unicorns, glam chandeliers, mirrored tables, blue velvet sofas and polar bear rugs. ( & the best security system known to man...may I add)

You know what I also love though.. Getting muddy.. drinking a cold beverage... four-wheeling.. boating..horses, horsepower, chasing geckos around Florida ... I bought a stand up paddleboard so I could anchor it and drink grapefruit shandys. I love the drag races.. Im about to love the dirt races again... I actually used to drag race. I would go 172mph in 7.8 seconds. It was cray. It was the best. I was sort of good believe it or not.... Except for when I would race my father. The fella was my sponsor for petes sake, I had to let him win. (He would win anyhow, the man is an animal) Once when he was helping me dial in my dragster for the next round he looked at me and said....

"Jess, You're like the son I always wanted"

There is nothing more beautiful than that statement right there.

I've always been a believer that there is no such thing as being overdressed..(until everyone looks at you all judgy-like then tells you that you should change, this happened last weekend in florida...apparently Im still salty about it) I like things to be symmetrical. I like them to color coordinate & If I don't make my bed every morning... I'm scared i'll have a bad day. Im scared of clowns, balloons & snakes... & for the first time in my life I am scared of getting dumped. Im clumsy. I pretty much need a life alert button. I fell on black ice this winter. I stepped out of my car, wiped the eff out... landed on my elbow. As I laid there on my driveway flat, thinking about what just happened and if any of my neighbors saw me... I slowly started to slide underneath my car.. No joke. So dramatic. Needed two stitches in my left elbow...Seems like nothing to anyone with a significant battle wound... But I am assuming that person is tougher than i am to begin with.

But back to oxymorons. They are hilarious. Seriously. Who comes up with this stuff. Unless we are talking the "Walking Dead" A killer oxy that makes sense when you are glued to the tv on a sunday watching dead people prance around like sloths. I can't even. So gross. They are "pretty ugly".


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