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  • jesca

balance.


This morning I am sitting here. At my dining room table... My new fave spot.. Staring at my fireplace & my black grande iced coffee... Literally staring at it.. Thinking while I keep taking sips & trying to remember why I ordered it black. (as I shudder of bitter coffee taste everytime I take a slurp) Which makes me wonder... Why do we do these things to ourselves. Why do we make choices that we don't always appreciate in the end? But maybe we do? This confuses me! I choose black coffee, to cut out calories I suppose. I cut out calories to stay healthy... I want to be healthy because this makes me feel good.. But then again.. Can you even imagine if everytime I took a sip of this bold cold brew and it tasted of splenda and hazelnut..Holy moly. Do you know how much more I would enjoy it? I think that's the point. Make choices not based on how you think you should; but make choices that make you happy. That should help us to enjoy life that much more. What if this was the last Starbucks I ever had... ya know?! I am not saying drink a shamrock shake & eat a big mac everyday...I don't want you or anyone to die of that poison... But you know what...You do you booboo.

Which randomly reminds me of one time in elementary school I came home crying... My dad asked me what was wrong... and I said with a pouty face... 'Little Johnny called me chubby"... You know what dads response was?!

"You look at him and you tell him that you might be a little chubby, but you can lose weight...But you know what...he is ugly....and there is nothing he can do about that"

This made me smile at that moment... & has resonated with me for the last 25 years. Such a great point. Silver linings...Find em.

Then as Im sitting here typing about sugar free, black coffee, making good life choices and being a little chubby...I look out my window to see a billion Shamrock runners gliding by my house like gazelles. They make it look so easy. Shamrock leggings, Green tutu's ... a fella running while pushing a stroller... Seriously...Do you think the baby is enjoying this? It's freezing out there.. & with all the potholes, I hope that kid is strapped in there good.... Now remembering that I meant to sign up for that run this morning.. Then again. sitting here, listening to Amy Winehouse Pandora in my mermaid tail blanket.... They look cold... I may have made the right decision. Ill just do a sit up later or something.

One time in college lacrosse we had to sign up for a 5k as a team... No big deal. But girlfriend had shin splints so bad. It was rough. I remember having to walk occasionally and stretch before I fell over in agony... & as I was stretching, a 70 year old lady with bright white hair, hot pink leggings and electric orange asics passed me. I was 20.... This can't be happening. So you know what. I tortoise and hared it. I would run long enough to pass her and get a good head start...then when she would pass me again. I'd repeat the process. In the end...If there was a trophy to get...it should have went to her. What a champ she was. There's probably a moral to this story...But in the end. I sort of won...even though I felt defeated... At least I didn't trip her or anything at the finish line.

I've always been a competitive person. Whether it comes down to air hockey, sales, monopoly, drag racing strangers at red lights....or just passing a 70 year old lady with titanium hips & knees in a 5k. I think it is a good quality to have to an extent. Until you are at Skyzone Trampoline Park with 14 year olds and you are trying to out-flip them 2:1 ....aaaaaand you pretty much break your ankle... Balance folks. Life is about balance...It's ok not to win everything, or be the best at everything, or make every perfect life decision...( I suppose) It's about trying, conquering.. I mean, it's still ok to TRY to win...because in the long run...'If you ain't first, you're last.'


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